


out of awkwardness comes enlightenment

by slashsailing



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Awkward Conversations, Bisexuality, Coming Out, Dating, Friends to Lovers, Homosexuality, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Realization, Sex Toys, Shopping, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 09:38:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1505639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashsailing/pseuds/slashsailing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A trip to a sex-store gets Leonard way more than he ever bargained for, and he doesn't just mean those candy-striped anal beads. But how will his friendship with Jim change now that he's been outed? Can their friendship remain the same, or will it take a turn in a different direction? Either way, at least those new purchases get put to good use.</p>
            </blockquote>





	out of awkwardness comes enlightenment

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from the quote: out of chaos comes order - i just thought it was funny and didn't really know what the hell to name this thing, so yeah.

It’s his senior year; he feels old enough and wise enough to warrant the addition of a few select items to his box of ‘things he hopes his mother doesn’t find’ and he’s curious, you know? He’s never really done much with anyone else, so he figures he should make what he does on his own the most worthwhile it can be. A vibrator seems like an excellent idea. 

 _Idea_. 

As in: in theory. 

Because actually buying said vibrator, or dildo, or flared butt plug (and don’t even talk about the anal beads because he’s still blushing over the candy-stripe ones he saw on that one website) is easier said than done. How is he, sweet, cripplingly-good, Leonard McCoy meant to walk into a sex shop and most likely buy one of everything he can get his greedy, deprived hands on?

He just  _cannot_ do that. 

He can’t. 

He’s entertained thoughts of buying a few things online, but not only does he want to actually  _see_  what he’s buying he doesn’t want to be fretting over whether or not his mother will open any packages he does end up receiving. 

Those anal beads would make her lose her shit. 

(Because he  _is_  getting those anal beads.)

He sighs though, and puts it out of his thoughts for a while, just letting the money he’s saved sit in the bank doing nothing. 

Until one evening after school when Jim’s over after soccer practice; he’s looking something up on Leonard’s laptop when the senior starts to notice Jim’s flawed attempt at holding back a grin. 

"Are you watching porn on my computer?" Leonard scoffs, pulling the screen of the laptop back so he can see what’s on it. 

They’re more candy-striped than he remembers. 

"Ah," is all Leonard can say before he frowns. 

"Did you get them?" Jim wonders, tilting the screen back properly and continuing to look through Leonard’s search history. 

"Can you not?" Leonard huffs, trying to get the laptop  _off_  of Jim’s lap. 

"It’s a harmless question," Jim says, shrugging. 

"No," Leonard frowns. 

"You know you can tell me if you did-"

"I didn’t," Leonard insists, "I didn’t get any of it." 

"Not even the small tiny vibrator?" Jim smirks. 

"Shut up," Leonard pouts, "I didn’t want to get them online, but I, I mean I can’t very well go and get them in a store now, can I?" 

"Why not?" 

"Because that’s just embarrasin’," Leonard states, flushing. 

"They’re sex stores, Bones, people go in there every day for the sole purpose of buying sex toys. They work there, they’ve seen it all," Jim shrugs. 

"You’re not weirded out?" Bones asks tentatively. 

"No," Jim shrugs, "I don’t care how you get your kicks," he says easily. 

"Have you ever-"

"Bought anything from a sex shop?" Jim asks. "No, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t." 

"Right," Bones nods. 

"You want me to come with?" Jim wonders. 

"You don’t think that’s a little tmi?" Bones scoffs. 

"No," Jim shrugs again, "don’t girls all go vibrator shopping together?"

"I think that’s just a wet dream you had, Jim," Bones grins and Jim starts to chuckle. 

"I mean it though," Jim continues, "I mean, we could just go in together, I’ll walk around the sexy underwear aisle or something, you know, just so you don’t have to walk in on your own." 

"People might think we’re together," Bones says, a little thrill running up his spine; he’d never admit it, not to himself or to Jim, but the prospect of dating Jim Kirk, prom-king and soon to be valedictorian, makes his heart race. They’re best friends though, have been since they were freshmen. And regardless of how liberal Jim’s views on sexuality are, he’s pretty sure the kid is straight. 

They haven’t really talked about Leonard’s developing sexuality; it seems to be the only unspoken thing between them. And, Bones supposes, his desire for a vibrator doesn’t necessarily give anything away to Jim - and, even if it does, it doesn’t mean Jim will outright ask him about it. 

So that’s how they end up outside a sex shop in the “red light” district of their town centre. True to his word Jim walks in beside Leonard, hands him a basket, smiles encouragingly and heads off to look at lady’s crotchless panties.

Leonard makes his way in the opposite direction where quickly peruses the bullet vibrators, nervously snatching up a simple silver one to dump into his opaque shopping basket. He by passes the dildos for a second, looking over the shelves of assorted lubricant instead; he gets a bottle labelled ‘play’, a bottle labelled ‘liquid satin’ and a bottle that supposedly tastes like peach just because you never know what might happen. 

He’s got the stores selection of dildos back over to the right of him, and the ‘anal’ corner to his left. He looks up at the sales clerk by the till, but the woman is unconcernedly serving another customer, a young woman, probably older than Leonard, with red curls and an easy smile. 

Bones stops his candy stripe anal beads, he snorts at himself, feeling slightly more amused by the endeavour than he was five minutes ago. 

He puts them in his basket and stares at them accusingly for a moment before lifting a small plug from its perch on a lower shelf; he doesn’t want to start to big, it’s marketed for beginners and he feels like that’s where he sits. 

But he won’t forever. 

And he had saved up quite a lot of money for all of this. He adds the size up to his basket as well for the future, when he’s no longer a beginner. 

He wonders if he _needs_  a dildo, with everything else in the basket; and how exactly is he meant to decide what would make a good dildo when he’s never seen any other cock besides his own. 

He knows silicone is recommended, and he knows he’ll need to by some sort of cleaning product. He glances over at the wall of dildos and glances away again, he catches Jim’s blue-eyed gaze. Jim has a pair of leopard print handcuffs in one hand and a pack of ribbed condoms in the other, Leonard rolls his eyes but he smiles and Jim smiles back. 

No rush. No pressure. 

Leonard, much to his relief, notes the ‘designed for anal’ sign above a section of dildos and decides that’s where he needs to be. 

"It can be daunting," a young woman says; she’s looking over glass dildos, specifically  _not_ designed for anal pleasure, but she can obviously see his hesitance. She’s blonde, like the woman behind the counter. But she’s older still, maybe in her early thirties. 

"You’re telling me," Leonard murmurs, ears turning pink. 

"Keep it simple to start with," she suggests, gesturing to a simple black model, the head is flared like an actual cock and that scares Leonard slightly, but it’s quite slender and not particularly long and curved in such a way as to promote prostate simulation. And, because it’s targeted at those looking for anal fun it’s got a flat round base; least he’d never end up in the ER with an awkward story and a literal pain in the ass. 

It looks smooth, a matte finish that makes the black colour less harsh. He picks it up, there’s some give to it that means it’ll move with him, and Leonard nods at it, turning to smile at her. 

"Thanks," Leonard offers, slightly awkwardly. 

"You and your boyfriend seem to be on decidedly  _different_ endeavours,” she notes with a grin, nodding her head at Jim, who’s looking at suspender belts and garters. 

"Oh," Leonard says, "no he’s," Leonard shakes his head. 

"Oh," she mimics, "I’m sorry I shouldn’t have assumed, I mean, I-"

"It’s alright, but he’s just, he’s just a friend," Leonard assures her. 

"Right," she nods, picking up her glass dildo just as Bones puts his own silicone one into his basket. Bones’ gaze flicks to the Ben Wa Balls but snorts at himself and looks away again. 

"I’m gonna," he lifts his basket and tilts his chin at the till. 

"Well good luck," she grins, "and ah, I don’t, I’m not assuming anything but, I wouldn’t rule him out, necessarily, you know, if you were that way inclined." 

Leonard looks at her for a moment and then looks over at Jim. Jim’s talking to the sales assistant at the counter when Leonard gets over there. Jim just stands there and then realises that his presence is making Leonard reluctant to relinquish his grip on the basket. 

"I should," Jim thumbs in a vague direction away from the till and Leonard nods. 

"Yeah," he agrees hesitantly. 

"You’re both adorable," the woman behind the counter, Janice, he reads, says, "is this all meant to be a surprise?" She wonders. 

"Uh," Leonard begins and then laughs, "we’re not together, he’s not even gay," and before Janice can apologise Leonard smiles, "you’re not the only one who’s been thinkin’ as much though, but we’re just friends, he’s just, I don’t know, holdin’ my hand while I, you know," he shrugs, gesturing to the basket. 

"I just, well, I haven’t met many straight guys who accompany their male friends on their sex toy shopping trips," she admits, "nice choice though," she says of the butt plug and Leonard blushes. 

"He’s, ah, one of a kind, I figure," Leonard agrees. 

"Maybe he’s trying to say something," she suggests lightly, ringing up the last of the lube before calling up the total. 

Leonard hands her his card and they go through the formalities before he says anything else. 

"I don’t know," Leonard says, genuinely uncertain, "he’s not-"

"Who’s not what?" Jim says, suddenly behind him, hand on his shoulder as Leonard takes the plain glossy, jade-coloured, plastic bag. 

"You," Janice says, "not gay." 

Leonard swallows, heart jumping in his chest. 

"No," Jim says slowly. 

"It’s a shame," she smirks, obviously not aware she’s effectively outed Leonard.

Jim looks at Leonard and Leonard smiles tightly, “we should go.”

#

"I knew," is the first thing Jim says, after following Leonard out of the shop and halfway down the street, Leonard turns to him and huffs, "I  _know_ , I mean. I mean I know,” he rephrases. 

"I know you know," Leonard nods, "I mean how many straight guys go straight for the anal beads?" he attempts a laugh but it gets stuck in his throat and he just blushes.

"Before, Bones," Jim says gently, "for a while now but, I mean, I just, I guess I was waiting for you to  _tell_  me, you know? I thought this might be, well, it might be a glaringly obvious time to do it, an easy in, you know?”

"I’m sorry," Leonard shrugs, looking away. 

"It’s okay," Jim says quickly, urgently, "I’m not, I’m not  _angry_ , I know it’s a big deal, I mean, it shouldn’t be, but I can see how it might be. And I get why you thought that you couldn’t tell me.” 

"I wanted to," Leonard says, "I just didn’t want anythin’ to change." 

"It won’t," Jim grins, knocking his elbow against Leonard’s, "you, ah, I mean, they," he glances down at the bag, "well, it might be fun but we should work on getting you laid," Jim says, "I promise not to try and set you up with Nyota again." 

"Right," Leonard nods, how considerate of him, he scoffs, "I ah, I don’t know if I’m ready to be _out_ out," he continues, "maybe you could keep this all to yourself for a bit, until I figure stuff out." 

"Of course," Jim says, "sorry, I just-"

"It’s  _okay_ ,” Leonard waves him off, “I’m just not ready yet, is all.” 

"She thought we were dating, huh?" Jim smiles, contemplative. 

"I guess, it makes sense, we were technically sex toy shopping together," Leonard scoffs.

"Hmm," Jim agrees, he looks at Leonard as if he’s going to say something else, but he doesn’t. "You want me to walk you home?"

"No," Leonard says, realising it’s the answer Jim wants because otherwise he wouldn’t have given Bones a choice at all, "I’ll see you Monday."

"Have fun," Jim grins. 

And it makes Leonard think of Jim thinking of him going home tonight and gorging himself on his new bounty, teasing himself with all his new treats. Leonard flushes, and Jim chuckles. 

Leonard hopes Jim will call him back, confess his (granted, it’s unlikely) homosexual tendencies. But he doesn’t, and Leonard is left to his own devices that evening. 

And it’s a good evening. It really is. 

It’s just… Leonard can’t help but think it might have been better with Jim.

#

Jim is definitely sure he isn’t  _gay_ , because he’s more than certain that he really likes  _girls_.  _But_ , what he’s quickly coming to realise is, that doesn’t mean he can’t be  _quite_  sure that he likes boys too. Liking girls _and_  boys can be a thing, Jim’s slowly realising this in a more immediate sense - rather than just knowing bisexuality is a thing, he  _feels_  it - it doesn’t have to be ‘or’. Especially not where Bones is concerned, because _there_ , Jim’s thinking it’s a certainly-definitely-sure sort of feeling. 

But throwing himself at his best friend seems ridiculously risky; if it goes well then yeah, that’ll be awesome, but just because Bones is gay doesn’t mean he wants anything to do with Jim. In a romantic sense, anyway. 

So he tries to act normal, just keep it cool: the way things always were. But he catches himself watching Bones more, mirroring his movements, gaze flicking down over his the other boy’s plump-pink lips. Bones, he’s noticed, is so hyper aware of Jim it’s kind of flattering, but it also makes his increasing bouts of staring more difficult to conceal. Bones keeps giving him strange looks and Jim just smiles back tightly, trying not to make an ass of himself. 

It all comes to a head when they’re studying in Bones’ room when Jim is physically unable to tear his eyes away from the strip of skin that’s become exposed when his t-shirt has ridden up: it’s got to be the softest looking, most perfectly sun-kissed skin he’s ever scene. And the small snippet of Bones’ dark treasure tail just adds to the thrill. Bones is slouched back on the bucket chair in the corner of the room, eyes in their history text book, until they’re not anymore, until they’re suddenly frowning at Jim. 

"What?" he questions, and Jim looks away too quickly. 

"What, what?" Jim counters. 

"You’re starin’," Bones states. 

"Am not."

"Yeah, ya’re," Bones huffs, "is this, is this about, you know," Bones makes a vague gesture, looking away.

Jim’s stomach drops. 

Bones thinks he’s being weird with him, because he’s gay. 

"No," Jim shakes his head, "oh my God, Bones,  _no_ ,” he promises. 

"You were staring at me though," Bones points out, looking confused. 

"Well," Jim says hesitantly, "I ah, I was," he nods. 

"Have been, for a while now, since," Bones tips his head in the direction of the window, "since the other day, you know." 

"Yeah," Jim nods, "I um, it got me thinking, about stuff, about me, about you," he murmurs, chewing at his lower lip. 

“ _Me_?” Bones swallows. 

"I think I, um, I think I might be bi," he says, stomach flip-flopping, it’s the first time he’s said it allowed, it doesn’t sound so weird, his voice seems to be able to handle it. 

"You think…" Bones drifts off, frowning, " _you’re_  bi?” 

Jim nods, and Bones immediately stops frowning. 

"Okay," he says gently. 

"Okay?" 

"Yeah," Bones smiles, "I mean, I’m surprised, you know, with you being a ravin’ man whore," he snorts, "but how I ever thought you’d keep it to one gender I don’t know." 

Jim laughs at that and then shakes his head, there’s a point he’s got to get to with this, and he’s  _going_  to get to it. 

"It’s not just that," Jim says quickly, drawing Bones’ eyes back to him. 

"Oh?" Bones prompts, curious, and… maybe  _hopeful_?

"It’s you," Jim croaks out, and blushes, "I ah, I like _you_ , Bones." 

"I like you t-"

"No, I mean,  _like_  like, like a lot, like more than friends, like-“

"Yeah, Jim," Bones nods, smiling, "I like you too." 

"Oh," Jim says, mouth holding the little ‘o’ shape for a beat or two longer than necessary, "you mean that?" 

Bones just nods, “for months now.” 

"You didn’t say anything," Jim points out. 

"Until like, a week ago, I was still trying to maintain my non-existent heterosexuality," Bones reminds. 

"Right," Jim nods, grinning, "well now that the pesky heterosexual phase is out of the way, maybe we could, ah…" Jim shrugs. 

"You nervous, Jim?" Bones jibes. 

"No," Jim pouts. 

"Are you asking to date me or sleep with me, Jim, because I can’t, I don’t think I can just be your bit of fun, you know?" Bones says after a moment, sobering. 

"Bones, no, I’m not just, I don’t just want to have sex with you," Jim shakes his head, "even if you have got a draw full of sex toys."

"Been thinkin’ about that have you?" Bones smirks. 

"Can you blame me?" 

"Guess not," Bones grins, "they’re pretty good," he adds with a little shrug, keeping his lips pursed to quell his smirk. 

"You’re a tease," Jim says lightly, "I should’a known." 

Bones laughs and slips off the chair, throwing himself down beside Jim on the floor, back against the wall. 

"M’not a tease," he counters, "not really." 

"So if I ask you to kiss me you will?" Jim questions. 

"If you ask nicely," Bones nods. 

"Kiss me," Jim whispers, waiting a moment, smirking, " _please_.”

Bones makes good on his promise. He really isn’t a tease, he’s generous with his mouth and his hands, tongue darting over Jim’s chapped lips. Jim lets Bones’ leads the kiss, lets Bones guide him and set the pace, his heart hammering in his chest all the while. 

"You’re sure ‘bout this?" Bones asks when he finally pulls away, lips red and slightly swollen. 

"Dead certain," Jim nods. "I might like girls, Bones, but I like you too, and I wanna date  _you_  and if you’re okay with that, then I don’t see anything to be uncertain about.” 

"I’m more ‘an okay with that." 


End file.
